Goonscripts: What time is it, Eccles?

What time is it, Eccles?

What follows is arguably the most famous single sequence in any Goon Show. The show is The Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker (series 7, episode 18). About 25 minutes in the show, Bluebottle and Eccles are "in the ground floor attic" of a clock repairers. After listening to lots of timepieces ticking, chiming, cuckooing etc. for a while...

Bluebottle What time is it Eccles?

Eccles Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.

Bluebottle Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?

Eccles Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.

Bluebottle Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...

Eccles What is it fellow?

Bluebottle It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.

Eccles I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.

Bluebottle Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?

Eccles Ah, den I don't show it to dem.

Bluebottle Ooohhh...

Eccles [Smacks lips] Yeah.

Bluebottle Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?

Eccles I've got it written down on a piece of paper!

Bluebottle Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.

Eccles Oohhhh.

Bluebottle 'Ere Eccles?

Eccles Yah.

Bluebottle Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.

Eccles What? I've been sold a forgery!

Bluebottle No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.

Eccles Oh dear.

Bluebottle You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.

Eccles Oooohhh?

Bluebottle His firm give it to him when he retired.

Eccles Oooohhh.

Bluebottle It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.

Eccles Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.

Bluebottle My granma.

Eccles Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?

Bluebottle She's got it written down on a piece of paper!

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Bluebottle	What time is it Eccles?
Eccles	Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle	Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles	Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles	What is it fellow?
Bluebottle	It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles	I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle	Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles	Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Ooohhh...
Eccles	[Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle	Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles	I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle	Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles	Oohhhh.
Bluebottle	'Ere Eccles?
Eccles	Yah.
Bluebottle	Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles	What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle	No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles	Oh dear.
Bluebottle	You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles	Oooohhh?
Bluebottle	His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles	Oooohhh.
Bluebottle	It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles	Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle	My granma.
Eccles	Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle	She's got it written down on a piece of paper!